When was ville valo on radio bam

Just a couple of things — 1. At three in the morning Dico's various voices are very hard to understand. Drunk Ville mumbles way too much and maybe it's my lack of sleep, but he sometimes sounds like a cross between Ozzy Osbourne and Capt' Jack Sparrow. We have Uncle Matt and The Shitbirds who's supposedly the sober limo-driver but I can already see he's six beers deep. BAM — And his personal assistant. Goddamn that's hot.

We're gonna punch 'em after we play the first song but we wanted to chit-chat a little bit about our two day mission with Ville. BAM — So, basically, uh. You know what VILLE — I can't take it anymore. I can't take anymore. I love you but please. I'm so happy to live at the other side of the world, you know, just like, Finland nothing happens in Finland. We have this idiot club that only me, Bam, Lazarus aka Ville Valo and Missy are in at the moment but the reason we are in it is cos we partied the other night, drank all night, 9am we needed smokes, so what did we do Bam?

BAM — Um, ok, totally illegal. BAM — So he barely knows how to drive a four-wheeler, so I'm way ahead in front of them on like a major road, I turn around, there's like a three car pileup and he's just owning the road.

Just casually driving, smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and the DreamSeller's hugging him. Ville likes to hold to the right, so we're already in the right side of the road, so what's so gay is, not only am I straddling him, my dick's basically in his ass, my arms are wrapped around and I'm also holding the steering wheel so we don't fucking go into a fence.

And he just wants to keep flooring it. So, uh, just give me the money and I'll do it. BAM — You have the money. You have the money, you know. I'm broke basically. BAM - You are not. Shut the fuck up. BAM — You sold three million records, you gotta be kidding me, what are you talking about? You have fans for miles. So um, yea, teach me how to drive.

BAM — I'll teach you how to drive, I'll buy you a drivers license. BAM — UH dude, here's the BAM — I'm pissed at you but I'm kinda glad you did it cos now.. BAM — Because now we're talking about it on the radio. So we had to make at a certain amount of time and we could not stop at all for Novak to take a shit. He had to shit so bad. And it's like dude, you're just gonna have to hold it.

I know there's like an hour left, we were in New Brunswick or something, I'm like dude BAM — So I'm basically saying, like dude, we're so late as it is, we can't even stop to pull over for you to go into a restroom and shit, so like, I tried to make him hold it. And then the fucking asshole just shits in the limo.

You know those trees that smell good, like pine cone. He bought like lemon, pine cone, peach tree bullshit, and it smelt, it smelt worse than the shit. I did it in the name of Ville, it was all for Ville. You know, I wanted to get you here.

It shows that I care about you guys. VILE — You need to go to a doctor. Tell him about the picture of shit we took the other day in the bar. BAM — Ville, dude, yo man, I don't know what's going on with you, I've known you a long time, but dude, you have a muffed up ass. BAM — Me and Shitgoose broke in on him at Ryan's Pub and we just shoot photos of him taking a shit and we have one photo with like a foot of turd hanging out of his ass, and like, dude your ass is muffed up.

It was all for the picture. When I strain my asshole is spread apart. BAM — I think, I think, you're doing more than that bro. BAM — And they're like, ew. Thank god. I don't think about. So I say, "Shitbirds how far away is NY? BAM — Yea, maybe, like an eight. Thanks for asking. MATT — Nah, it's alright. I know the way home. BAM — Dude, Shitbirds has the quotes of the century. Here's a good one. I wake up in the morning I go out on my deck..

You know. He's the one. Well ok. So he mows that big ass fucking 14 acre lawn. And he's outside like doing yard work super far away and I go out to the deck and I'm like "Shitbirds" and he's like "yo," and then he looks down and he see this beer in the woods and it was like a pretty chilly day out so it was like nice and cold, he just holds it up and I just shake my head, like don't do it, and he's like, "finders keepers.

MATT — When you find a beer in the woods, that as good as like the end of a rainbow right. You find a beer in the woods. What about that? Ok, Ville, well I don't wanna give out, well fuck it there's a bunch of W hotels. MATT — Well you're leaving tomorrow anyways. BAM - Yea, Ville is, we are staying at the W Hotel last night and, you know, I got a room for Shitbirds and the shower is so powerful that he thought his dick was gonna get ripped off. So he was willing to call the front desk to ask for a complimentary dick protector, cos the shower was ripping his dick off, because the pressure is so hard.

BAM — Yea. BAM — Shitbirds was in a band called Me-dia back in the day, it was like uh. BAM I would say, Poison meets Rat. Would you say that? BAM — Rat Poison. MATT — Complimentary.. MATT — We're so freaking creative. Oh whatever. Just like whatever. MATT — Oh no. MATT — It's the nicest compliment you can give somebody is to say fuck off. BAM — No, you have to fit fuck into certain random places.

Are we getting married.. BAM — Like, what.. BAM — Like.. Unnecessary fuck right there. BAM — Oh, here we go. DreamSeller would you marry me? BAM — Zilla Zalo, would you marry me? BAM — So, um, no, you ask me now, you ask me now. BAM — Fucking A right bitch! BAM — No seriously though man, if I got married like, I don't want that bullshit-ass like church ceremony shit. I would just rather have HIM play some rock shit, with an F word in it. Then like I drink beer and kiss the girl or guy, if the price is right.

This is what I'm fucking pissed off with you about Bam. You ready for this one? BAM — What's that? What happened? BAM — Is that a good nickname? So Fake Bam Assistant, being heroin ass Novak, comes in to settle the problem, defuse the problem.

He comes and says, "Novak go out there and fucking set that bitch straight. So I go outside and there's police on all four corners, she's crying and making a big ordeal, they know something's going down.

So I walk up to her gently and whisper, "Bitch, if you ever fucking touch him again, I will murder you in the back yard and no-one will ever find you.

He was smiling at her cos he knew the cops were looking at her, like "Bitch, if you ever touch Bam again, I will fucking bury you in the back yard and no-one will ever find out. BAM — But this is the thing, this girl comes up at Kildares and we were leaving, and she comes up and she just starts like punching me.

Well no first, she's like "you need to tell your fucking friend Novak," I'm like, "I don't need to tell my friend Novak anything, it's not my fucking job, you do it. And like my manager was there so he had to fucking calm her down. And then like.. Turns out, I'm like.. BAM —Well he was the only one that could do it. BAM — Cos we had to go and then me and you were upstairs petting Trouble on the floor. And then all of a sudden BAM — Yea, we all gaying out, being all romantic.

Oh yea. So you were all mad at me all night for no goddamn reason. I divorced you for a moment. BAM — Yea, well it wasn't my fault. BAM — You should've asked me. MATT — Now you guys are scrapping. MATT — Scrapping like bitches. Punched in from WestChester, straight from my house. Are you there? DICO — Hello. BAM — What are you doing? Are you alone? And are you upset and scared at my house? DICO woman — I want to say just one thing. You sons of bitches.

I know you've got that goddamn shitfuckbird up there, and you're drinking all your goddamn beer, you should be over here satisfying my juicy cunt, Matt Cole. Matt fucking Cole, now your all being a ring bird, a shitbird, you fucking asshole. Get your fucking ass over here and stick your sick?? Cum on my face, watch my face, watch my face!

Face fuck! DICO — Tell it. So we went on this road-trip, but he had a one night stand with this white trash whore in Maryland, the night before we left for our 10 day vacation to Florida. MATT — Proudest moment. BAM — So he never told us or anything but 10 days go by, we go back.. BAM — So 10 days go by, we drop him off at his Maryland house and she is sitting out in front of his fucking driveway with her 5 kids going, "Where the fuck have you been?!

Dude, Shitbirds what's up with that. Why are you humping these white trash whores? I mean, what do you want me to say? DICO woman — Shitbird!

BAM — You had some bad times? MATT — Yea, like, sometimes, the things that you do, you just really can't explain. Novak, you know what I'm talking about? We go to the Billy Idol concert..

DICO woman — I'll say! JESS — Yo what's up? BAM — What you doing sonofbitch? Did you like the song we played? JESS — Hell yeah dude, it was good. BAM — Are you with Chad? Wiping the shit of your baby's ass? JESS — Basically. BAM — Jess just had a kid and now he won't go out to the bars with us because he's a little pussy. I take Ville all the way down to WestChester, go to Duffers II and my own brother can't even show up cos he's wiping some bitches ass. Knock it off.

BAM — Yea, one night, one drink, per year. That's bullshit. It was so fucked up man. BAM — Wait, what was? I can barely understand you. What did you say? BAM — Yes. BAM — Oh, he was just rocking his own bottle. And being all like street cred and all that and rocking a fucking bottle of.. Jess is like, "I like??? Jess, now that Jess had a goddamn kid, like, you know how you get awarded with a cigar.

BAM — He smokes them all goddamn day now. BAM — Jess, you've been celebrating for the past month. JESS — A brown dick. Knock that shit the fuck off. They stink too. MATT — Jess is a little humidor? JESS — They do. I smelled my shirt this morning because I smoked one yesterday and it was so sick.

BAM — Well, Novak shit in the limo, it couldn't be that sick. BAM — Novak shit in the limo. JESS — Ew. Leave me alone. MATT — Haha, yea. JESS — Dude, he shat in your pool, what's going on? That's like???? And there was this rap group, I don't know who it was, it could've been like Wu Tang or some shit. Some rapper was recording just before CKY was in there and the guy smoked, we found out that he dipped his cigarette into formaldehyde and like..

BAM — People do it, and then.. BAM — This guy had a bad trip and the rapper, dude, it was the funniest fucking thing. The beat kicked in..

JESS — We could hear the track and it was just like, boom boom tssk, boom boom tssk.. BAM — No, no, no. You shouldn't be talking about these things here. BAM — Ok, so the beat kicks in and I swear to god, for two minutes, for two minutes, the rapper just says "yeah.

He thinks the walls are closing in on him and he just like, "Ah, ah ,ah! JESS — And like of course the dudes went and got security and then as soon as they got in there he had his pants off and he was just twitching. DICO - He had his pants off? I fucking hate it. Come on. BAM — That's the only rap lyric he could spit out. That's outside of what we do. He must've dipped that cigarette so hard into formaldehyde, he must've soaked it in there all night or something.

DICO — His fucking engine wouldn't turn over, he just kept JESS —.. VILLE -?? BAM — So uh, so basically we dropped off Ville the other night and um I had to stay in his room because we didn't have enough hotel rooms at the W, so uh. Your room is a fucking shithole. BAM — Dude.. MATT — You wrecked the hell out of that place. DICO — Ew. MATT — and he blames it all on you. I'm not, you know, I'm, you know, my record label, they paid for a room and I've been wanking all over it, that's not the problem, that's like, everyone knows that.

BAM — The thing is.. BAM — I just think that it's funny because, I didn't know, I guess it was a coffee stain but I see this big yellow piss stain and I just put the blanket down, I'm like, I don't even care anymore man, and I just fall asleep right in the piss, but then later on I guess I found out it was coffee. Don't lie about it. MATT — Don't lie, squirt happens. VILLE —.. VILLE — No, no you know that little, you know when your like excited and you have that little tiny bit hanging out of your dick.

BAM — Dude, Ville hates maids coming into his room. He has signs out in from of his door cos he's staying there for like a month and it just says like basically, maids — never come in here, like, fuck off, do not disturb, like I don't want you opening this door up ever.

There is dirt.. Bam was in Finland and broadcast from there. For those of you that can bear to listen to Bam for an hour you can download the radio program here. Ville talks about not playing Ankkarock this year because he wants to celebrate his 3 year anniversary with Jonna. He teases everyone else for being drunk and having difficulty talking. He chooses two songs. One by Screaming Trees and one by Turbonegro. For the curious Jonna is there with him. Um, what else? Ville brings pot not his apparently to the Hotel for Chad from Cky.

Ville actually only talks with Bam for about 10 mins of the show. Nothing else comes to mind. Goodnight all. Post a new comment Error Comments allowed for members only Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal. Your reply will be screened.