Crush on someone who is married

On behalf of all the people who love you and depend on you, thank you. I am so glad I found this, thank you. I am in a bit of a depressed state as I am about a good 5 on the scale and so thankful I found this while googling today. I feel so low, cannot sleep, my appetite has disappeared because I am feeling so obsessed with someone. I am happily married like you talk about but the frisson is such a wonderful feeling when I am with him at work and we both have been flirtatious.

I am very aware that I need to put some distance between us now because I feel anxious instead of excited and worried. Thank you for your words… Im finding solace and assurance esp now Im questioning my marriage and mainly myself and my purpose etc…. I hope that you get involved with a good therapist or coach who can help you get some clarity about who you are, what you want, and how to create it.

Wishing you all the best, Lisa. Thank you so much for the advice I have been drawn to a seemingly mutual crush with a close friend for a number of months.

I had felt a strong pull towards my friend after noticing some obviously inviting behaviour and suggestive comments over time. You literally spelled out our MO, lunches and all which was a big wake up call. After reflection with taking your advice I am attempting to strike up better communication and create more positive experiences with my wife which is working sexually but needing some improvement elsewhere to keep momentum. I am still struggling to balance my feelings for my friend as I have a great marriage and a good friendship, neither of which I would like to destroy.

My wife has met my friend and is deeply wary of her. Your potential affair partner is not your friend, she is an ongoing threat to your marriage and to your family.

You yourself said that you are worried about the future of your marriage if your possible affair partner makes sexual moves towards you. That awareness is a good start!

Next step: Take responsibility for this situation, stop blaming your wife for feeling threatened, and cut off contact with the person who you could have an affair with.

My two cents! I have since opened up and told my wife about the damaging relationship I had developed and she is much more resilient than I gave her credit for. The nature of that relationship has essentially ended but not without significant resistance from the other person involved. I never realised how far it had gone and so quickly, and without things ever becoming physical. I now know physicality makes little difference, I was having an affair.

Hi, this was a good read. Well, I have a strong crush on a cine artist. To make matters worse is he started following me in return. I want to make that clear. There is zero back and forth that would even raise an eyebrow with anyone.

He has no idea I like him. I think of him obsessively on the inside. No one knows at all. I would never do anything to jeopardize my marriage. I also have three kids. Obviously this guy just harmlessly decided to follow me without any idea how much it would cause me to go nuts. I m happily married bt had a crush with someone else.. I want to forget him…bt I m failed…I ve done everything…bt I m unable to kick his thoughts from my mind plz help me. I want to thank you so much for this advice and podcast.

I really needed to hear some straight talk. I never imagined I could go crazy like this. I do feel self aware and had already been doing some of the things you suggested — for one, taking my heightened emotional senses and giving that energy to my husband. In fact to my surprise and delight, our marriage has been boosted emotionally and sexually by this. The crush I have is over 12 years younger than I am and I see him as exciting, interesting and slightly dangerous…. I would never dare to embarrass myself by making a move nor would I want to risk my family, marriage and dignity.

The problem is, the feelings are still not going away. They fade a little here and there but I literally feel addicted, like you said, by a drug. I just keep pushing it away. I will take your advice to avoid getting into excessive personal talk with him.

This is good advice and where I falter at times. Thank you so much for helping me get a grip on reality today. Thank you for speaking so openly and honestly. Thank you. This podcast has really put things into perspective for me. Thank you for the insights. Your words ring so true. Nothing ever happened beyond a few email exchanges and I tried to minimize one-on-one time, but I feel like I should tell my partner in case I was involved in emotional cheating.

Should I tell my partner everything? If so, should I do it as soon as possible or wait until we are together again? This is a tough one. Lots of people in long term relationships have transient crushes that flare up and fade away, and are generally harmless after that. If you cheated on him, your partner needs to know that so that he can make an informed decision about whether or not he wants to continue this relationship. It may be more merciful and less burdensome for your partner if you worked through your guilt on your own.

On the OTHER hand, it may be helpful for both of you if you shared the feelings you temporarily had for another person, and framed it as being a sign that you that you are longing for an in-person day-to-day connection with him if that is in fact true.

Then you can both perhaps use that truth as a lighthouse guiding you to figure out how to make that happen in reality. Dear Lisa, Thank you so much for this truthful and very helpful podcast. I learnt so much! No one is exempt from this especially in stressful times like these. So rightly said when you turn the light on and tell your spouse the power is gone! Thank you so much! Rikki, Stop. Like, get a different job if you need to.

Block him, unfriend and unfollow. No explanation required. Do NOT allow the the fate of your family to be determined by an impulsive make out session in the back room. Consider getting involved in some high quality online therapy or life coaching to help you make a solid, intentional decision. Part of your decision making process may also depend on exploring whether or not it is possible to create positive changes in your relationship with your husband.

Would it change anything for you?? It may be helpful for you to listen to that as you consider your options. He was interested in me too. We started to be closer and I asked him to help me to move to another class. And I was right, he changed me to another class. I never imagined my whole life I could feel something like this. Is there anything else I can do to forget him?

I need to stop thinking about him! I need to stop feeling what I feel for him. I am living in dispair since I first met this man. My life became umbearable to live since then. That was a good call. Both of which can teach you, among other things, cognitive strategies to get a handle on the thoughts that are causing pain and suffering. Mindfulness skills, thought stopping and shifting, reframing thoughts, cultivating new thoughts, etc. That could not be less helpful for you in actually changing this state of affairs, and may even be harmful.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy or coaching is a totally different thing than traditional, passive therapy. Wright especially suggests telling your partner if you're feeling guilty about harboring the secret or if they directly ask you about the person in question. Lying will only exacerbate the entire situation and can make something minor and fleeting into something more threatening and divisive. O'Reilly also points out that being open with your partner might help defuse your feelings.

After all, the forbidden or taboo aspect of crushes often adds to their allure. For a similar reason, she sometimes recommends introducing partners to crushes.

To avoid making your partner feel inadequate or nervous, use a light and humorous tone when having the conversation , Doares advises. If your partner is insulted nonetheless, Szekely says to help them focus less on the other person and more on what it is this crush makes you feel about yourself.

In spite of the intensity of the emotions, try to slow down and work through your attraction logically. If you feel yourself falling for someone, view it as an opportunity—to enrich your marriage and learn about yourself. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours.

Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Log in Profile. Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world.

Explore Classes. Dina Cheney is an author and food and health content expert living in Cos Cob, Connecticut. Expert review by Kristina Hallett, Ph. If you are married but in love with someone else, or having a crush while in a relationship, at first, it is likely you will choose to deny or ignore these unwelcome feelings. But as disturbing as they are, it is vital to first face them and then accept them in their entirety, with as little self-judgment as possible.

Having a crush on someone or fantasizing about someone else while in a relationship is normal. What matters is how we choose to act upon falling in love with someone else while married or in a committed relationship.

In order to protect yourself from doing anything you may regret later, it is important you draw suitable boundaries with the person you feel drawn to— at least till you are clear about the way forward.

This distance will not only provide much-needed relief from the overwhelming feelings you feel when you are in their presence but also create a safe space in which you can gather yourself again. So make sure when you are having feelings for someone else while married or in a relationship, the first thing you need to do is draw appropriate boundaries. Once you have truly faced and accepted your feelings, it is possible to look at them somewhat objectively.

When you are married but constantly thinking about someone else, try and understand what drives the desire to be with this other person. Is it a mere physical attraction or something more layered? Perhaps you feel deeply appreciated or understood, or you have a lot in common such as shared values and interests? Or you feel a fulfilling emotional connection? Spend some time honestly examining all aspects of your feelings threadbare—this understanding is vital in order to consciously navigate your way to a place of emotional stability.

The good news is that you can use this new self-awareness as a toolkit for strengthening your marriage when you are having feelings for someone else while married. Carefully examine the health of your marriage against each of the parameters of attractions you uncovered.

Have you been feeling fulfilled in these areas with your partner? Is there enough physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship? The desire to feel appreciated is too strong, the impulse to resist the daydreams too weak. They begin to hide from themselves that they are making subtle choices that intensify their feelings, and they may even begin telling white lies or shading the truth. Is asking that handsome stay-at-home dad out for a coffee really necessary to help make him feel a part of the community?

Is a thank-you dinner for the consultant who helped advocate for you at work truly called for? Of course, no one wants to hear that his partner has a crush on someone else. It prioritizes protecting your relationship, and it can even be bonding. The sooner the conversation happens, the easier it is. Have you touched him at all? Tina, confiding in James is a sign of your trust in him and respect for the relationship.

It reassured James about how much she valued him. But try to steer clear of shaming your partner with blanket criticism or judgments about his character. After the painful initial conversations, Tina and James turned their attention to their mutual longing for more romance between them, and they committed to spending more quality time together. For couples busy with kids, staying romantically and sexually engaged with each other can be a challenge.